Home

When I was a child my parents, older sister and I lived in Concord, North Carolina, in a small, one story home that was separated from a field by a small creek. My sister and I would spend all of our summers, and most of the school year, out in the field.

One time, in the forest that lined the far side of the field, we found planks of wood which we used to make our own bridges over the creek. Mine washed away in a storm, but my sister's was still standing when the moving truck came and took our belongings.

I chose a college in North Carolina that was only an hour and a half's drive form that home. Before I was accepted to the college my mother and I came to visit the campus and also to visit the town we had left nine years earlier.

I am not sure what I expected to feel, or find, when we returned to the old home. Saying that I was not happy living in Seattle would be a complete understatement. I have never been a social person and I found it hard to make friends in our new city. I was lonely and, as time when on, I became depressed. In this state of mind I had turned my childhood into a fairytale and blamed my parents for taking me away from it. For this, I refused to ever consider my parent's house my home.

On the plane, flying to visit the college, I built up the whole experience as a long awaited homecoming, simular to the ones they have in books, with trumpets and such nonsense. My arrival, however, was not that climatic. In real life the house, creek and field did not have the magic I believed they had. Standing there I saw it for the first time for what it really was, a place. The fairytale was shattered, but only partly, it would take a summer working retail in Seattle for the dream to be completely shattered.

Currently I am back in college. When I first came here it was to escape from Seattle. That was what I needed then, and it served its purpose well, but now I need something more. Refusing to make Seattle a home while I lived there was just stupid and the only person it hurt was myself. Now though I think I understand what I was feeling, and I think I am ready to start making myself a home.

Fast Flight

Rapid foot falls
propelling forward,
recklessly tumbling
down warn, dirt paths.
Side steeping plants,
vaulting over toppled trees,
dodging left,
stepping right,
avoiding obstacles in my path.
Heedlessly running down,
faster,
faster,
faster.
Wind ripping at my hair,
my light jacket billowing behind me
like the cape of a hero,
but I am no superman.
Behind me lies essays,
jobs,
family.
Ahead lies mystery,
fairies,
magic.
The path grows steep,
bushes close in,
thick roots grab at my legs
still I run.
My chest burns,
my feet ache,
my breath comes in gasps,
yet still I run.
Who knows how much farther I can go,
Who knows if I will reach an end,
All I know is the wind and this fast flight.

Firsts

The first are always scary, the first time you rode a bike, or the first time you really pissed off your parents (although in that case the second and third times are also scary), but first times can also be exciting, like riding your bike down the really big hill for the first time without falling off or face planting into the curb. So, maybe you can understand that my first post is a little scary and exciting for me.

In situations like this I am reminded of a book that really good teacher gave to me, Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, it is a book on writing. Near the begianing of the book, Lamott, writes about a time her brother had to write a repot on birds. Like most people (or at lest me), her brother put almost the entire report off until the last minute. The night before the report was due he sits at the kitchen table frecking out about how in the world he is going to finish the report before the morning. Their father walks into the room, sits down next to him and says, something along the lines of, "Son, just take it bird by bird." There are times when people are presented with situations that seem so daunting that instead of getting to work on what can be done, they sit back and wonder how it could ever be done. So by taking things bird by bird or word by word, the person finds that they are almost done. See, I'm almost done!!

I have no intention about writing an 'about me' page, by reading my post you will learn just about all that there is to know about me, nor do I intend to make any promises or guide lines for my post, I find them constraining. I will say two things though, I promise to tell the truth as best as I can, and I'm a really bad speller and I don't think that the blog's spell check works (I put in a made up word and it didn't mark it wrong), so if anything is spelled really bad post a comment and I'll change it. Ow, and don't be rude about it, your not funny and no one will ever know because I'll delete your comment, I have power!!

Kristin